btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
50% drunk capacity currently
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
