my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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