I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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