i just had sex bonerless
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
