why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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