the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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