mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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