I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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