there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
