Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
