Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
