the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
