he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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