C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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