i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
