Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
