Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
