he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
