I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
