So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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