I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I have post one night stand depression
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
