You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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