I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
