i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
