well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
