what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
