...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
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Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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