i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize