TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
