Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
