We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
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i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
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I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
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