I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
