Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
