She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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