First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
