Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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