You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
someone threw a dead crab at me
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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