Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she peed on how many people?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
