Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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