I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
