you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
