yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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