if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
