everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
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Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
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My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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