if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
