The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You can't special order awesome
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
false alarm, still single
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
