Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
