Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
