i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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