She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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