well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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