If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
