can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
