Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
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She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
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Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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