Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
