I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
