Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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