Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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