fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
