She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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