ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You were trust falling into bushes
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
