i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
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He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
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You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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