i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
