i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
