yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
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No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
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This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.