If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.