Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
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So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
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You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight