I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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