Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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