forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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