i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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