R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
