I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
