I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
