Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
