ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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