proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
