he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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