I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Randomize
