We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
