Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
