I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
