found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
