We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
