I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize