Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
