I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize