Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
